Hitting Rock Bottom
Have you ever experienced the feeling of “Hitting Rock Bottom”? That you’ve had enough? Felt defeated and there’s no hope? Have you ever felt that you have reached your limit and in any minute you’ll burst? Was there ever a time in your life that you felt empty that you just don’t want to even open your eyes and get out of bed? Or felt like your world has shattered to pieces and you are just struggling to get back up? Something inside you snapped and things changed from then on.
I haven’t written anything in awhile not because I was busy, it’s because I had no drive, no desire and because I never want to sound that I’m complaining. But today I had the push to do it.
On top of my own daily struggles, I found out that my dad has been dealing with serious medical issues for a couple months now, to be honest the first emotion I felt was numbness. I was in denial that my father is sick. I’ve known him to be this strong person who came to rescue me when I’m in trouble or just having issues in general. But now he is suffering, weak and vulnerable. Money is a huge factor also since medical insurance is foreign in my country, so I try to help out on what we can afford.
My dad recently got admitted to the hospital and he will be there for at least a week. I thought I was doing ok because I kept myself together as usual and didn’t even cry. Until I had an argument with one of the kids and that just threw me off the wall and I’ve lost it. I don’t think I’ve ever screamed the way I did in my life. Threw myself to the floor and went ballistic. I then realized how much pain I was in and it was very scary to learn that I’ve acted that way. I was a walking time bomb.
After gaining some strength I left the house to get some air, I had no clue where to go which made me more upset because I felt alone and helpless. I found myself parked under the rain at a local church’s parking lot. Crying out to God.
“Have you forsaken me?” “Have you forgotten your child?” “Where are you?” “Can I suffer instead of my dad?”. These are some of my questions to God. I was alone there, crying for at least an hour. Hoping to encounter God. A few more minutes have passed then my husband showed up to my rescue. I realized that God gave me Kevin to pull strength from. He is one of the tangible things that God has given me to show his love and grace. In a way God answered me through Kevin’s embrace and reassurance that I don’t have to do this on my own.
Hitting rock bottom may be the most difficult heart crushing experience you’ve ever experienced in your life. But it also makes you realize that if you feel like you have nothing left, what else is there to lose if you tried picking yourself up? There are 2 obvious ways to handle it, either stay there and be miserable, or get back up to fight. I am choosing the latter choice. I have to believe that God never left my side even though it felt/feels like it. I have to trust that His love is constant and unwavering even through trials He’s still there. Being in the valley, it’s easy to keep running in circles and forgetting what He has done for us.
This is my message to myself and to all of you out there who have lost hope because you kept getting knocked down by your problems. GET UP. PRESS ON. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Keep doing the things that you love to do, keep loving the people around you, keep taking care of yourself because if you don’t, who will? Finally, always remember that God’s promises are true whether we feel it or not.
Exodus 14:14New International Version (NIV)
14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Isaiah 40:29-31New International Version (NIV)
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Thank you for your time reading this blog. I hope that this will somehow help you or someone you know that may be going through hardship.
I also want to ask for help (something that I struggle doing out of pride or shame or both). My dad needs a lot of financial support because he just started getting treatments to extend his life, we are helping him the best we can but that’s not enough. Any amount will help and will be appreciated. If you can’t do that I just ask that you pray for him because that’s what is needed the most anyway. Again thank you…
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