Let Go And Let God

Life is like a dance to me, there's a lot of different rhythm, beat, type of dancer and type of music.  Dance= Life Dancer= Person Music= Circumstance Rhythm and beat= How a person is dealing with the situation. My music right now is a sad slow sleepy cringy and makes you want to cover your ear type of jam.  My Rhythm is slow at first but now getting to a point where I want to break it down and do some Zumba moves because I'm tired of listening to the sad and slow music. What I am trying to say is it has been a tough and discouraging week for me. My miracle medicine (Tarceva) has some nasty side effects and my body is paying for it. I took it for 7 days and had to stop because I had no energy, my stomach was unstable, and the worse part is mouth sores and angry pustules/rashes all over my face. I get that there are some great effects that this modern medicine can do about my cancer, But I questioned at what cost? I missed a whole week from work because I ...

There are so many ideas that comes to mind once the Month of October hits. I think of what crafts I should make, what food I should cook for Thanksgiving, and I also start planning on what to buy for presents. November is the start of Holiday events, in short it starts to get busy. But how many times do we sit still, welcome God's presence and just give thanks to Him that we made it this far this year? As I reflect on the past few years, I realize how much I have focused on "preparing" for the Holiday season. Being busy trying get everything set up became an "idol". I focused too much on making sure that the menu is perfect and the decorations are on point. Thanksgiving Day is not even something that I grew up celebrating, but it consumed so much of my time that I forgot the real meaning of it. What does it mean anyway? Wikipedia says that it is celebrated as a day of giving thanks for the blessing of the harvest and of the preceding year. T...

Warning: Long Post. It took me a while to get back to writing another post. To be honest I didn’t want to until I have all the test results back. Kevin has been trying to encourage me to write as a way of de-compressing my thoughts and also help me with stress management. When stressed, I tend to hide. Under duress, I become very quiet. I coast along with life like nothing’s bothering me. I tend to bottle things up and I don’t do that on purpose. The set back is, last week one of my doctors called and told me that 3 of my blood tests were negative. If this is your first time reading my blog, we were hoping for positive tests on the 3 genetic mutation tests so I can treat my cancer with a pill and skip chemotherapy. I had such high hopes that I will pass one of them. But when I didn’t my heart broke. It’s still hard for me to process the information because this could mean chemo, sick out of my stomach, not being able to work, burdening others for help and change in appearance....

God never ceases to amaze me, I can't deny how my humanly instincts and views are so vague and compacted in a small box so it is very easy to get overwhelmed. But His ways and thoughts are higher than mine. We are still waiting on some tests to come back before I start medications/treatments. It's hard for me to explain but God has been with me the whole process. In this state where I am vulnerable, God's mercy and grace are so visible and tangible. Although I may think how and why bad things kept happening to me and my family, I see His hand guiding me. From my grandfather's passing away which tore a big piece of my heart, to Kevin's challenges at work a couple weeks ago and just the challenges of our daily lives. It makes me want to pull my hair sometimes and scream "WHY?!!!!" But God reminds me that He is a provider. If I found out about my cancer when my grandpa was still around it would've been very difficult for me to handle because I'...

I went to get a consultation on Oct 5th because I was having a hard time breathing. I thought it was just because of my allergies but I felt like I needed to get checked. They got me in the same day and I went to see a doctor who is not my primary physician. She checked my breathing and said that I needed to get X-ray because there wasn't any flow on my right lung. Her suspicion was correct I had fluid built up on my right lung. She then scheduled me to get a procedure called "Thoracentesis" for the following week. (It's to drain the fluids from my right lung". The shortness of breath got worse so I had to go to E.R. to get the procedure done ASAP. They admitted me for the weekend then I was able to go home Sunday afternoon (Just in time for the Patriots). They did a CT scan, a bunch of blood tests and even tested the fluid that they collected. Friday, Oct 14 the nurse called me and asked me if I could come in the afternoon to see a pulmonologist for my test...

I am an amateur writer so please bear with my writing capabilities, I strongly believe that I am being called to share my story and updates of what’s going on in my life and with my relationship w/ Christ. On October 14, 2016 I was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. For those of you who didn’t know I apologize for not telling you my self. It’s been very difficult for us to swallow and thank God we are passed the shock phase. It took us a while to wrap our heads around it. It was a challenge telling my family, telling my friends and co-workers because it broke my heart to see their pain for me. I’m grateful for my family especially my husband Kevin who’s been my rock and my big source of strength next to God. My mom has been a great help around the house. My in-laws and my brother-in-law, sister-in-law whose been fasting and praying for me. My dear friend’s who has guaranteed me help when I need it and just talking to me and praying with me throughout this new season. I ha...