One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Life is like a dance to me, there's a lot of different rhythm, beat, type of dancer and type of music. 

Dance= Life

Dancer= Person

Music= Circumstance

Rhythm and beat= How a person is dealing with the situation.

My music right now is a sad slow sleepy cringy and makes you want to cover your ear type of jam. 

My Rhythm is slow at first but now getting to a point where I want to break it down and do some Zumba moves because I'm tired of listening to the sad and slow music.

What I am trying to say is it has been a tough and discouraging week for me. My miracle medicine (Tarceva) has some nasty side effects and my body is paying for it. I took it for 7 days and had to stop because I had no energy, my stomach was unstable, and the worse part is mouth sores and angry pustules/rashes all over my face. I get that there are some great effects that this modern medicine can do about my cancer, But I questioned at what cost? I missed a whole week from work because I can't move my face without being in pain. I lost sleep because my head is also covered with rash and it was very sore, tender and itchy (It still is). I felt embarrassed and afraid to go out because my face looked bad.

It made me question my faith at a brief moment, but God said nope, you're not going there.

I truly believe that the enemy is at work because these bad things kept happening to me when I decide to step up to worship God. Two weeks before I was diagnosed with cancer, I decided I wanted to join the church choir as a start to get back to Praise team. Then two Sundays ago I talked to the Praise team leader because I wanted to join the team to help lead worship. Immediately after that, I felt the attack of the enemy wanting to pin me down and silence me. 

Pastor Paul (Head Pastor of Gate City Nashua) has been approaching me at church and telling me that he's been praying for me and he had a discernment that my body is under attack to keep me from singing for the Lord. And that's exactly how I feel. 

Two days ago, he emailed to ask if I was up to joining them on Tuesday. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw what my face looked like, then it dawned on me that God wants me to praise Him in the midst of my illness. From this stand point, I finally understood what it means to Praise God in the midst of a storm. I said yes, and I am looking forward to that opportunity to praise Jesus and be a living testimony of His goodness.

Note to self: What really helped me this week was my consistent communication with God. I didn't focus much on my suffering but rather focused on spending time with God, my loved ones and the things that makes me happy. I did my best to be productive while at home. That's what I meant when I said I sported my zumba moves while the music is slow and sad. 

I also stepped back and waited on the Lord. I said hold up, Lord I know that all these things are happening in my earthly life, but what are you doing and what are you saying? Your ways and thoughts are higher than mine.

I will end this post with psalm 3:

Psalm 3

A psalm of David, regarding the time David fled from his son Absalom.

1 O Lord, I have so many enemies;

    so many are against me.

2 So many are saying,

    “God will never rescue him!” Interlude[a]

3 But you, O Lord, are a shield around me;

    you are my glory, the one who holds my head high.

4 I cried out to the Lord,

    and he answered me from his holy mountain. Interlude

5 I lay down and slept,

    yet I woke up in safety,

    for the Lord was watching over me.

6 I am not afraid of ten thousand enemies

    who surround me on every side.

7 Arise, O Lord!

    Rescue me, my God!

Slap all my enemies in the face!

    Shatter the teeth of the wicked!

8 Victory comes from you, O Lord.

    May you bless your people. Interlude

Almost gone, Yayyyy!

I painted the walls and the trims on this room to be productive this week :)